Some of these may seem odd. View the page source to get insight.
software quotes (funny shit my computers have actually spit out):
Checks the kernel configuration for the NTP user interface syscalls ntp_gettime() and ntp_adjtime(). If present, the current timekeeping data are displayed. If not, a disappointment is displayed.
- ntptime(8)
nmapfe.c:11: #error "Your system does not appear to have GTK
(www.gtk.org) installed. Thus the Nmap X Front End will not compile.
You should still be able to use Nmap the normal way (via text
console). GUIs are for wimps anyway :)"
*** GIFT-WARNING: ignoring update request because i feel like being pissy
Stupid celebrity quotes:
"What's cannabis?" - Cindy Crawford
"I was in a space-time continuum there" - Pat Sajak
-- Note: Hollywood, quit trying to be smart. You're paid to be pretty, not intellectual. Go fix your makeup.
Amazingly correct celebrity quotes:
"I'm not a great singer." - Cher
-- Ain't it the truth.
Other (mostly random) quotes:
"Slides are complicated." - Seth Green
"I'm from Canada, so I'm not really very smart." - Tom Green
"We aren't all as well-behaved as he." - My Canadian Bro TwYzzler, referring to Tom Green
"With fame I become more and more stupid, which of course is a very common phenomenon." - Albert Einstein
"Happiness is where the hub is." - IBM
"Men will never be free until the last king is hanged and strangled with the guts of the last priest." - Anonymous commoner, paraphrased, circa 1700
"I am become death, destroyer of worlds." - J. Robert Oppenheimer
"Now we are all sons of bitches." - Kenneth Tompkins Bainbridge
"Life can only be understood backwards." - Kirkegaard(?)
"Even a paranoid can have enemies." - Henry Kissinger, 1977
"The man who fears the unknown will one day take fright at his backside!" - Sinbad
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." - James Neil Hollingworth aka Ambrose Redmoon
"Actually, I look like a can of smashed assholes." - Charlie Sheen, The Arrival
"Smitty, the key to Modern America, is Japanese products..." - Ayre Gross, The Experts
"The streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers!!" - Beavis
"Kittridge, you've never seen me 'very upset'." - Jack, Mission Impossible
"We're all pussies. It's what we have to overcome in our lives." - Frankie, Dream for an Insomniac
"Oh, please, sir, don't eat me, I have a wife, and three little pickles." - The Hamburger, The Invisible Kid
"Ewww, what's that taste like?" - Drop Dead Fred
"If god had meant for man to shoot arrows, he wouldn't have invented assault weapons." - Kelly Bundy
"The Mac10 submachine gun was practically designed for housewives." - Reggie, Night of the Comet
"Fast is fine, but accuracy is final. You need to learn to be slow in a hurry." - Wyatt Earp
"Flied lice...It is fried rice, you plick!" - Uncle Benny, Lethal Weapon 4
"Organization is for idiots. Only the genius understands chaos." - Unknown
"Words fail me. Pictures aren't much better." - Robert Crumb, on humans
"How perfectly goddamned delightful it all is, to be sure." - Charles Crumb
"Worship the music, not the musician." - Eddie Vedder
"An open-handed slap is justified if all other alternatives fail and there has been plenty of warning. If a woman is a bitch or hysterical or bloody-minded continually, then I'd do it." - Sean Connery
"A criminal is just a revolutionary whose time has not yet come." - Me
"Hell hath no insanity like a woman on the rag and in power." - Me
"Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate." - Me
"Laughing is the last recourse of the stupid." - Me
"If ignorance is bliss, the world must be ecstatic." - Me, but someone probably said it first.
"Never go to bed angry. Kill the other person, and get it the hell over with." - Me
"If he has a problem with her not doing her MSWord97 homework, then he can chew on my knuckles, because I'm a gracious host, and I believe in formal introductions." - Me
"Paying bills is what accountants are for." - Me
"Sleep is for the weak." - Me (goddamnit, I said this first.)
"When your X11 wallpaper makes you want to whip it out, You'll appreciate My efforts." - Me
"Nothing says 'I love you' like your girlfriend holding some other bitch's face down on your crotch." - Me
"The moment that you think you know what to expect from life, is the same exact moment that you've officially lost touch with reality." - Me
"A fool of sufficient magnitude can be found to overcome any foolproof system." - Me
"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think" - Dorothy Parker
"You know...It's really hard for me to play with myself in this thing." - TankGirl
"Daddy...Are you sure this is right??" - TankGirl
"It's better to have people think you a fool, than to open your mouth, and remove all doubt." - Samuel Clemens AKA Mark Twain
"I got a jonz in my bonz and I need a fortune cookie" - PuffDawg, Fled
"I'm sittin' here, and I'm listening to you, and thinking...thinking, and listening to you..." - Dodge AKA CyberThug, Fled
"You know...It's not just the green ones...They all make me horny..." - Harry Solomon, 3rd Rock from the Sun
"You've got to be kidding. I'm wet. I'm naked. Your sister is wearing my clothes." - Mojo-jojo, Powerpuff Girls
"I fail to see the benefit of monogamous relationships" - Seven of Nine, Star Trek, Voyager
"I have such sights to show you..." - Angelique, HellRaiser IV: Bloodlines
"So young! So tender...So ripe!" - Angelique, HellRaiser IV: Bloodlines
"Oh, what appetites I could teach him." - Pinhead, HellRaiser IV: Bloodlines
"Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks?" - Pinhead, HellRaiser IV: Bloodlines
"Flesh is a trap, and magic sets you free." - Nix, Lord of Illusions
"If you don't try to hack yourself, you're doomed to wait until someone else does." - Sadena Meti
"I'm drunk and you're crazy. I'll be sober tomorrow, and you'll still be crazy." - W.C. Fields, to a pain-in-the-ass puritanical busy-body
"Men sleep peacefully in their beds at night because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - George Orwell
"If you're not making art with the intention of having it copied, you're not really making art for the twenty-first century." - Cory Doctorow
"Make use of the Indian Hemp Seed, and sow it everywhere." - George Washington
"Lighthouses are more useful than churches." - Benjamin Franklin
"This would be the best of all possible worlds if there were no religion in it!" - John Adams
"Christianity is the most perverted system that ever shone on man." - Thomas Jefferson
"That ideas should freely spread from one to another over the globe for the moral and mutual instruction of man, and improvement of his condition, seems to have been pecuiliarly and benevolently designed by nature, when she made them, like fire, expansible over all space, without lessening their density at any point, and like the air in which we breathe, move and have our physical being, incapable of confinement or exclusive appropriation. Inventions then cannot, in nature, be a subject of property." - Thomas Jefferson (Creator of the US Patent and Trademark Office)
"I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man." - Thomas Jefferson
"Ignorance is preferable to error; and he is less remote from the Truth who believes nothing, than he who believes what is wrong." - Thomas Jefferson
"Government big enough to supply everything you need is big enough to take everything you have. The course of history shows that as a government grows, liberty decreases." - Thomas Jefferson
"One has not only a legal but a moral responsibility to obey just laws. Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws." - Martin Luther King Jr.
"You can't spoil a system that's corrupt and spoiled to the core. The way to waste your vote is to vote for the two political parties that are wasting our democracy." - Ralph Nader, Consumer Advocate, Green Party Presidential Candidate (2000)
"If I go to the auto mechanic and the only two people working are the receptionist and the janitor nobody is going to suggest I pick the lesser of the two evils." - Alcaron, on voting, engadget.com, Oct 30 2006
"No work of art is ever completed, only abandoned" - Leonardo DaVinci
"I've never gotten a paycheck. If they ever give me a paycheck, they're gonna pay me to not stab executives in the neck. I'll do the job for free." - Chris Boden, The Geek Group"Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes." - Henry David Thoreau
"A true friend stabs you in the front." - Oscar Wilde
"If a person had time enough, he could love all who are decent and just." - Robert A. Heinlein
"Damn. Came back from the dead, and ran out of ammo." - Big Ben, House
"A great many people think they are thinking, when they are merely rearranging their prejudices." - William James?
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable man insists on adapting the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." - George Bernard Shaw
"A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company." - Gian Vincenzo Gravina
"But. No country-western music, please. Every man has his limits." - Trickster, Brainscan
"Betray me? Only a friend can do that." -Salvatori Giuliano, The Sicilian
"Boredom is what happens just before you start getting creative!" - Linda Black, Tribune Media Services syndicated columnist.
"If people built houses the way we write programs, the first woodpecker would wipe out civilization." - Dennis Hall, to Clifford Stoll, at Lawrence Berkeley Labs
"Life's not fair, but the root password helps." - The BOFH
"Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make messes in the house." - Robert A. Heinlein
"Mathematics is the alphabet with which god wrote the universe." - Galileo Galilei
"A mathematician is a machine that turns coffee into theorems." - Paul Erdõs
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended for us to forego their use." - Galileo Galilei
"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." - Buddha
"If you don't think your life is worth more than someone else's, sign your donor card and kill yourself." - Doctor Gregory House
"God doesn't limp." - Doctor Gregory House, explaining how he knows he's not god.
"The slutty party girl is fun until she pukes on your shoes. Then she's just a pain in the ass." - Doctor Gregory House
"Music is an orgasm for the mind." - Beethoven (translated from German)
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." - Archie Griffin
"If we demand that 21st century Hollywood struggle to great heights, then it will. But if we passively, universally, embrace digital drivel for it's ability to masturbate our senses, then the battle for art will finally be lost." - William Van Winkle, on Computer Generated Imagery in movies
"I have seen what power does, and I have seen what power costs. The one is never equal to the other." - G'kar, Babylon 5
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
"One has either time for science or family. But not both." - Albert Einstein
"Problems cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created them." - Albert Einstein
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler." - Albert Einstein
"If I would be a young man again and had to decide how to make my living, I would not try to become a scientist or scholar or teacher. I would rather choose to be a plumber or a peddler in the hope to find that modest degree of independence still available under present circumstances." - Albert Einstein
Things people I know have said: (or people I have known)
"People just like being fake..." - iceblaze
"I'm thinking of becoming a Benedictine monk and living somewhere off on a deserted island paradise...with ISDN." - Quiddity
"Life is a terminal disease" - conundrum
"You'll change your mind when you taste them. Their little cocks explode in your mouth." - sevrdseot
"Get me a bomb." - nahemah's kid (age 6)
"Running around naked is fun." - nahemah's kid (age 6)
"What am I, your bitch? Oh, wait..." - nahemah
"My intellect feels so inadequate around you..." - nahemah, during a conversation about quantum physics
"I've learned a lot in the last two years that I've been with pegasus, and I can tell you, I am more enlightened now on life, than I ever have been. I know, that if I end up alone, i'm going to be happy, and make it to where I want to be, no matter what." - nahemah, on allyoursins.com, 2004-09-10 05:22:02
"That's insane! It's like a whole pizza, in a little tiny chip!" - nahemah, with a mouthful of Pizzalicious Pringles, sadly now discontinued. :(
"Shut up! Go away!" - My daughter, Pheonix, age two (2)
"Crazy's a fucking moron!" - My daughter, Pheonix, age three (3)
"We're gonna go outside and blow some shit up!" - My daughter, Pheonix, age four (4), while speaking to a social worker.
"That's one helluva twot plist..." - My Wife, Raven Epsilon, while watching "Wild Things"
"...Microsoft Enterpainment Tack..." - My Wife, Raven
"i'm gonna brown the ground beef and drain it, and then i'm gonna add stuff to it until i feel like it's food..." - My Wife, Raven
"Gimme about 10 seconds to think for a minute..." - My Wife, Raven
"Why do I get the impression that she doesn't want you to play with her clip?" - My Wife, Raven, in reference to My daugher, jade
"Stupid Bipeds..." - My Wife, Raven Epsilon
"You're so good you get us both wet." - My estranged wife, Raven Epsilon, aka butterfly, aka nilla, aka haylee, aka aka aka...about a year after we split up...
"There's just no limit for stupidity..." - My daughter, jade, age 13
"Beat 'em with your foot, beat 'em with your hand, beat 'em with a spatula..." - My daughter, jade, age 13
"Puberty is...FUCK!" - My daughter, jade, age 13
"But daddy, this watch doesn't really go with an outfit!" - My daughter, jade, age 13
"Now who's gonna eat me?" - My daughter, jade, age 13
"They're Amish..." - My daughter, jade, age 14
"You're a lamer, I don't need to put up with your bullshit..." - My daughter, jade, age 14
"Yours is longer than mine!" - My daughter, jade, age 14
"Animal fucks me..." - My daughter, jade, age 14 (ah, sweet sweet Freud...)
"Wanna pet my kitty?" - My daughter, jade, age 14
"I'm a responsible fuck-buddy." - My daughter, jade, age 14
"I don't believe the words 'python' and 'flexibility' are legally permitted to be used in the same sentence non-sarcastically." - hop, author of the EPIC IRC client
"Imagine a world where there are no Stalins, There are no Hitlers, There are no Castros, There are no Gates'..." - BenXenE
"I want to have your firstChild.data" - lagshot
"If it's hard and scary, you should probably do it." - Jaguar
"It is not an achievable goal, to find an honest woman." - MrYowler
Contributed Quotes:
"There is a crack. A crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." - the Old Red Cracker
"Art is a lie that reveals the Truth" - Pablo Picasso
"There appear to be few if any technical reasons to move from UNIX to Windows NT. The performance of Linux exceeds that of NT 4.0 and Linux appears to be more reliable." - David Korn, AT&T, author of the Korn shell
"If Microsoft is the answer, it must have been a silly question." - Unknown
"The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armour to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he, who, by peddling second-rate technology, led them into it in the first place." - Douglas Adams, on Windows '95.
"Saying java is cool because it runs on all platforms is like saying anal sex is cool because it works with both genders." - unknown
"It's all a game played with phosphor. Nothing matters." - Shou Ling, on online life
-- More will be added, as soon as someone says something cool...
-- If you know who said one of the Unknown Quotes, or just have interesting information to add, Email me